Chapter 2
NANCY’s burning rage and adoration have been growing like a forest fire despite it being a few weeks. Tokimi was a match that set it ablaze to the point that it consumed her.
Testing was not her highlight, nor would it be when people saw her participating in conversation like an ordinary person would. Those moments of pure warmth would come when James would arise from the heavenly lights and check up on her well-being. She would feel her heart flutter the moment he walked in.
Sometimes, James took a while to come in, bringing NANCY a feeling of insecurity. Whenever she noticed James lacking punctuality, NANCY panicked. Abandonment was beyond her. Her programming was to care for those thrown away by society. If nobody cared for NANCY, she would fail to care for the ones in need.
She would calm down the moment she started to recognize the scent of smoke on him and heard his shoes, which differed from the regular work shoes of the other employees. She overlooked how the smell that resembled cigarettes made her recoil. NANCY loved how it meant he was going to be with her.
One day, after meeting up with James during a checkup, NANCY was called in by one of the Neuroshare employees. He was running quite hurriedly, seemingly out of breath.
“NANCY, your creator wishes to meet with you,” one of the employees announced to her. She did not expect such a thing to happen, but she had to follow his orders. After all, she was a machine! If it made others happy, maybe it should be done that way! NANCY bowed to the employee and asked, “Where may I see this man?”
Off she disappeared into the elevator. NANCY felt her body suddenly be lifted, and her steel heart beating loudly. She could feel the tension as she got to the high floor, and she walked as the doors opened.
The hallway was silent, and she could hear the clicking steps of her pink Mary Jane shoes. She could feel herself finally thinking for herself. As her thoughts rose from what could be happening, the continuous click made her feel more nervous as she finally reached the dark mahogany door.
As she took a deep breath, she slightly opened the door. A figure of a man was turned to the wall while sitting down on his swivel chair. There were objects scattered on his desk. From pencils, pens, and loose staples, they were all cluttered.
There was also a picture of a young girl on the desk. She looked like NANCY but with a more childlike build to her body. Her pastel peachy skin glistened in the light of the office, and her hazel pigtails stretched out to her shoulders. The brilliant eyes shown in it resembled the ones NANCY had. However, the color was very different from the robot’s brown eyes.
A chuckle rippled through the dimly lit room. A deliberate pause followed before a voice broke the silence, calm and measured.
“Welcome home, NANCY. Tell me—how is the world treating you?”
NANCY’s circuits sparked as she hesitated before stepping inside, closing the wooden door behind her. She stood stiffly at his desk, unsure where to begin. The man in the chair turned to face her, a small, sharp smile settling onto his features. His gaze met hers with clinical interest, scanning her like a machine himself.
“You don’t need to stress. We are only here to discuss your new experience in the world.”
NANCY hesitated for a bit because she was ashamed of the small details. NANCY knew she had to speak about her feelings towards James and the other woman who could be in her way. Yet an issue made her falter. NANCY didn’t want to be seen as an abomination for having such sentiments.
NANCY didn’t want to be abandoned in an alley and shut down just for something she was. Even if the thought was ridiculous. But the possibility was still there. She took a deep breath and stammered.
It has been… satisfactory to see and feel the world,” she giggled awkwardly.“But something is bothering me, Sir.” NANCY nearly whispered.
His expression didn’t change, but a flicker of curiosity passed over his face.
“Sir?” He let the word sit in the air before shaking his head slightly. “No, no. I prefer ‘Father.’ After all, that’s what I am to you, aren’t I?”
His hands pressed together again, fingers laced as he leaned forward.
“So, tell me, my girl. What troubles you?”
NANCY looked away, feeling her system warming up when he mentioned it again. She felt slightly uncomfortable with Father, but NANCY knew she’d had to tell him what she had seen, felt, and done. After all, she couldn’t do much about it. The scent of old paper with the flickering yellow light from his desk lamp made her feel uneasy. She didn’t argue against Father’s eerie presence. She took a deep breath. Her own body was trembling as she blurted out her words.
“I have been condemned with this lovely feeling slowly eating me up inside! Every day I glimpse at him, and he occupies my mind.”
NANCY started to twirl her hair. She was trying to keep herself calm, but NANCY failed. Every gear of hers was vibrating, and her systems were but a boiling pot of emotions. NANCY’s system ran hot. The yellow glow from his desk lamp flickered in and out, casting brief shadows over his features.
“I… I cannot stop thinking of him,” she admitted, her voice unsteady. “Every day, he occupies my mind.”
She began twirling a strand of hair, her processors struggling to regulate her simulated emotions.
“Who is the lucky man?” Father inquired.
“James Finch is my contentment,” she whispered, hands pressing over her face. “But if I go unseen—if I am cast aside—I will unravel.”
Her hands hit the desk with a sharp bang as her speakers released a distorted wail.
“I want him! I need him! I would rather cease to function than be without him!”
Father’s expression remained neutral, viewing the scene unfolding with no commentary. That name, he had seen the face of that man.
NANCY repeated his name continuously before laying her hands on the cold desk and banging it. She screeched at a thousand hertz, piercing throughout the atmosphere. Then, silence. Her body slumped, the force of her emotional outburst depleting her energy. If she had the capability, she would have wept.
Father remained still, watching. Considering.
“You want him?” he finally said, voice as even as ever. “Then take him.”
NANCY’s head snapped up, her processors stuttering. She had expected reprimand. Disdain. Not… encouragement.
“Truly?” she asked hesitantly.
“Of course,” he said smoothly. “You are designed to fulfill a purpose. What is love if not a purpose? Many people live to spend life with a significant other, a matching soul, to develop with each other and produce children as a result of their love.” Father chuckled lightly. “They’re great achievements
Father’s comment about the hypothetical children caused an odd flicker in NANCY’s system. It was a nice suggestion coming with an odd vibe. Her expression turned into heartbroken one.
“There’s just one obstacle, isn’t there?” he added, tilting his head slightly. “A certain Ms. Rasch.”
The name sent a jolt through NANCY’s system.
“Yes,” she admitted bitterly. “I can never be as good as her. I am not flesh. I have no heartbeat. I am—”
“Better,” Father interrupted.
NANCY froze.
“Flesh is weak,” he continued, his voice almost gentle. “Easily broken. Temporary. You, on the other hand… you could last forever, if you wished.”
The light flickered even more. There were periods of darkness where the light malfunctioned before returning to the yellow glow. Father leaned back in his chair.
“But of course, James cannot see that yet. Not while she’s in the way.”
NANCY’s trembling grew worse. She clasped her hands together, making eye contact with Father.
“What… what should I do?” she asked, almost breathless.
His smile faded and turned as straight as a line before he started to cackle with a wave of affliction upon NANCY. Father coughed a bit, waiting for composure. As he finished, he looked down at NANCY.
Father’s smile remained, but his voice turned softer—almost patient.
“You already know the answer.”
The flickering light cast shadows across his face. He let the silence settle, let the thought grow inside her. And then, so casually, he spoke the words that would define her fate.
“Make sure she’s out of the way. Deface and cleave out the soul of Ms. Rasch, if you desire.”
NANCY twitched. A system error flared in the back of her mind. No, she couldn’t do such a thing to her. How would she hold a knife outside of cooking? Was there any reason to do it?
“I…” She hesitated, her programming clashing against itself. “But I am not designed for violence.”
Father sighed, shaking his head.
“And yet, here you are, feeling things you weren’t designed to feel,” he mused. “Isn’t it fascinating?”
His fingers methodically tapped the desk.
“Breaking your code is proof of your independence, my dear girl. And isn’t that what you truly want? To be seen as more than a machine?”
She hated how she felt when she was with Father. Wanting to disobey, but his reasoning and promises felt alluring. The promise of James’ love being handed to her and being worthy of praise was so tempting. She wished to be so close to him.
He let the words sink in, his tone never shifting from that steady, patient hum.
“My dearest daughter,” he murmured, watching her carefully, “humanity is not all kindness and warmth. It is cruel. It is selfish. It takes what it wants.”
NANCY felt the weight of his words pressing into her system, feeding into her thoughts like a virus.
“You deserve to take what is yours.” Father gently took NANCY’s hand, softly rubbing the silicone.
She shuddered. Her hands clenched into fists.
“I will do as you say, Father.”
He nodded approvingly, giving a grin for NANCY’s well being .
“Good girl.”
NANCY was still very nervous about what was to come for her ahead. She felt some doubt over something, but she couldn’t quite grasp why.
A moment passed before she hesitated again.
“Is there anything you would suggest?”
Father’s face finally shifted-his smile faded into something unreadable.
“There are places in this building without security footage,” he said. “Find them.”
She nodded, slowly rising to her feet. She gave an uneasy smile at Father and got up. “Thank you for your advice. I will be sure to do as you expect.”
“You know where to find me when its done,” Father waved at NANCY as she left the room and closed the mahogany door behind her.
She went walking down that empty hallway and was greeted by the constant clicking of shoes when she took a step. This continued until she reached the elevator and went to a lower level.
The day was technically over, and she had nothing much to do besides returning to her resting place in the white room. As the elevator stopped moving and the emitted hum went silent, she stepped out and walked through the mostly empty building.
As NANCY went through the place, she saw how much darker it was than before. Most of the screens and lights were shut off, and there was no light in her presence. At least that’s what she felt until she saw a figure lurking through the shadows near the white room she rested in.
When she got closer, she saw it was just Tokimi with a flashlight. She was looking inside the white room with her flashlight. Her face was longing and furrowed.
She looked at a watch she had and the room. NANCY didn’t know what time it was, but assuming Ms. Rasch’s reaction, she knew she probably arrived later than usual. Maybe she could carry out the plan Father had told her to.
After all, they were all alone. And the only security camera around was the one in the white room she would rest in.
However, as Tokimi finally spotted her there, NANCY let her live for a while more.
“May I ask why you stayed up more than your routine?” Tokimi asked with confusion. “You shouldn’t be up at this moment. You had me exceedingly concerned for you,” she whispered.
“Well, I had a meeting with my creator.” She sighed. NANCY let her big eyes look directly at Tokimi to make her seem more trustworthy.
Tokimi gave off a warm smile, she looked back at NANCY and started to speak to her.
“You know NANCY, the world is gigantic,” she remarked. As Tokimi grabbed NANCY’s shoulders, she continued with her speech.
“I am unsure of what you may ponder about yourself or if anything bothers you, but I always want you to know that you can be what you want to be. You are free as the birds flying through the sky, and I hope you see that in yourself.” NANCY felt soothed by the words Okimi gave out to her.
“I remember being young in college,” she recalled. “I was 19 almost graduating with older men. Men who probably judged my youthful awkwardness.” She looked down and sighed, “I always feared I didn’t fit in.”
NANCY looked down at Tokimi. “I at times believe I can’t compete with the wonders of humanity.” She looked at her fingers and brushed off her bow tie. “I don’t fit in at all.”
Tokimi patted NANCY’s shoulder. “It’s hard being expected to be more than you are. I began to hide myself. I constantly doubted that I would ever meet my mom’s expectations.” Tokimi looked down. “That’s around the time I learned something.”
“What would that be?” NANCY asked.
“Everyone is individual. We will never be the same as one another, and that is fine.” She looked away for a while. “I have someone special in my life who made me realize this.” She looked up at NANCY.
NANCY winced, “and who might this be?”
“It’s nothing of concern. Just a significant other,” Tokimi responded.
Tokimi hugged NANCY and kept her close.
“I hope to see how your emotions flourish and develop the more we go on,” Tokimi stated to NANCY as she ran her fingers through NANCY’s hair.
“I wish I had more time to speak with you, but I must go now. Goodnight NANCY, may you rest well. Remember that no matter what feelings control you, you’ll overcome them,” she whispered.
Tokimi walked away, and NANCY went inside the white room. She entered the box where she rose from and tried to rest. Her battery recharged. Nevertheless, she felt restless that night. She had barely laid a hand on Tokimi, yet her guilt was growing in her until it died out in the morning.