CONTROLLED BY CHOICES

The blue light radiated from the desktops surrounding Tokimi as she worked on several projects after her work hours had finished. It was a tedious task that bored her quite a bit. Despite appearing focused most of the time, Tokimi couldn’t keep her eyes glued to one thing. There was trouble with each keystroke. It seemed like her struggle unfolded beyond the computer screen where she worked.

After saving a project, Tokimi breathed a sigh of relief. She was finally done with work for the day, including the data checks that NANCY left behind. Despite being aware of the request to make the machine that would define the future of technology overly emotional, Tokimi couldn’t help but feel sorrowful knowing that she was creating something that could believe itself to be unstable in a human-like manner. It didn’t seem right to subject something new to unnecessary suffering.

The robot was like a child in mind, or at least that’s what Tokimi thought based on what she had read. There was nothing she could do about it, though. The robot’s situation consumed Tokimi’s thoughts. She couldn’t help but imagine the circumstances happening while her feet luxuriated in the plush texture of the carpet beneath them.

She didn’t have access to any of NANCY’s memories. She couldn’t see the exact moment that the creation belonging to the exhausted computer programmer finally got a glimpse of the world. Unfortunately, the computer programmer in question was her. She knew there had been something wrong with NANCY that she couldn’t quite grasp, and Tokimi desperately wanted to peek into NANCY’s mind to see if she could find out what was wrong.

The issue was, what was something? Was it the process in her mind? Perhaps it might’ve been a failure in her circuits. Or maybe it was a wrong piece of information that had been fed to her unknowingly. For a project she created, it seemed NANCY lacked consideration for her. She only focused on a few people, which was not intended.

Tokimi had been lost in the abyss of negative thoughts for an extended period. However, she eventually returned to her surroundings. While Tokimi looked down at the living room, she noticed her pet cat, Moo-Chan, lying quietly on the carpet. The cat had pure white fur dotted with dark spots that broke up the light color, making it look like a work of art. Moo-Chan’s bright green eyes shone against the white fur, adding to the cat’s allure.

In one corner of the room, a bookcase with a lightly colored exterior stood tall, filled with numerous books of different shapes and sizes. The bookcase’s bright presentation contrasted with the books it held, making it look like a piece of art.

Tokimi felt solace as she walked over to the bookcase, admiring the books’ arrangement. She reached out and grabbed one of the books, feeling the weight and texture of the cover, eager to dive into its contents.

As she wandered around her home, Tokimi felt her cat, Moo-Chan, cross her legs. Despite her attempt to distract herself, the feline seemed to be purring, trying to get her attention. She sat on the sofa and read a book while her cat, Moo-Chan, curled up on her lap.

It was a chilly February evening, and the outside air was freezing. Okimi was grateful to be inside with the heater on. She was already stressed from work and feeling responsible for her best friend. She knew she needed to take some time for herself. As she petted Moo-Chan, she appreciated the softness of his fur on her hands.

However, the book didn’t help as much as she had hoped. It reminded her of another incident that had occurred earlier that day at work. Tokimi had heard the paramedics rushing into the building and taking an injured employee out on a stretcher. Unfortunately, she couldn’t intervene as she was too preoccupied with her work.

Usually, when a friend is involved in a similar situation, it’s natural to feel the urge to help and support them. However, in Tokimi’s case, she could do nothing but watch as James was taken away on that very stretcher. She felt a deep sense of melancholy as she thought about it all.

She hoped that James would come out of the emergency room in good condition. His health was poor, and being obese didn’t help his current state. It was a terrifying thought for Tokimi, but she could only hope for his recovery.

Tokimi found it hard to concentrate on her book and couldn’t thoroughly enjoy it. Every part of it reminded her of James and how mentally troubled he was. She was responsible for caring for a shut-in who had no idea how to socialize, and she had to do it without upsetting him. Tokimi felt the weight of that responsibility every time she looked away from James, especially after what had just happened.

She yearned to relax, but she knew that looking after James was a priority. James was her partner’s older brother, and she felt obligated to care for him, especially since he was the reason why they both met.

James had been having difficulty leaving his home, which made him heavily reliant on Tokimi’s assistance. She wanted to express her gratitude for everything James had done for her by being there for him during his time of need.

As time passed, Tokimi tried to continue reading the book that she chose to pass the time, but her eyes grew heavier with each passing moment. She glanced at the clock and realized that it was almost midnight.

Feeling tired, she stretched her arms and legs and went to return her book to the shelf. However, the thought of sleeping was the only thing on her mind.

Suddenly, the phone in her house began to ring, and her heart skipped a beat. She knew it was James on the other end of the line, and she couldn’t bear to ignore his call. She hurriedly ran to the phone, wondering what the issue was.

Her body trembled with fear and anxiety, and a dull ache throbbed in her head. The carpet beneath her feet seemed to burn with each step, intensifying her dizziness and disorientation. As she approached the phone on the wall, she took a deep breath and held it, trying to steady her nerves. With a trembling hand, she reached out and brought the phone closer to her face.

Heavy breathing greeted her, alongside a few sobs that she immediately recognized. It stressed her out even more, but she had to calm down. No matter how much her body tensed up or her eyebrows furrowed, she had to be there for the person she considered her dearest friend.

With a shaky voice, she answered the phone and mustered up the courage to say, “Hello, you’ve reached Tokimi Rasch.” Her heart raced as she awaited the response at the other end.

Hearing more muffled crying through the phone, Tokimi asked, “Is something the matter, James?”

Her voice was surprisingly calm, given the gravity of the situation, but it seemed like she had grown accustomed to it. In contrast, James could only attempt to whisper over the phone. The shakiness of his voice blew over the speaker and his words.

“I just got discharged from the emergency room,” he muttered. “I don’t know where to go, and I’m terrified of walking home alone.”

Tokimi didn’t want to leave her house so late at night, as she was already weary and wanted to go to bed. However, she knew how dangerous the area could be at this time, and she couldn’t let James go through that alone. Tokimi allowed a sigh into the phone and said, “I’ll be there soon. Please don’t move from where you are.”

James interrupted Tokimi with multiple “wait” and “hold on” requests before she could hang up. This caught Tokimi’s attention, and she tuned back in.

As exhaustion crept in, she wearily rubbed her eyes and asked, “May I request the information you need to tell?” The tension in her body was palpable, signaling her growing apprehension.

James found himself in a predicament, and he began to stutter. He was unsure whether he should reveal what he had gotten himself into. After contemplating his choices, he took a deep breath and shared his situation with Tokimi.

“Well, I kind of wandered off, and I think I have already reached 5th Street by now,” he said hesitantly.

Tokimi was taken aback, her palm reaching her mouth. She knew James was in a difficult situation, and wandering off alone could be dangerous. She couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t wait outside. Nevertheless, she knew that James needed her help instantly, or he would be in danger. Especially considering the time and area where the hospital was located.

Without any delay, Tokimi asked James for his precise address, and he promptly shared it with her.

“Thank you for your cooperation. You must remain in your current location.”

Tokimi quickly jotted down the information, trying to keep up with his words. The more she wrote, her headache intensified, making it hard for her to focus. Despite the discomfort, Tokimi persisted, knowing the importance of capturing every detail. She took a deep breath and continued jotting down the information, determined to keep it accurate.

“I’ll arrive shortly.”

James was crying uncontrollably on the phone. He was grateful to have a friend who was willing to support him during this challenging time. Tokimi expressed her gratitude before ending the call.

Tokimi quickly grabbed her keys and warm clothes to brave the freezing weather outside. She didn’t even feel her face burn as she stepped into the car and started driving. The rundown buildings and dreadful environment were familiar to her. As she went by, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness. The long drive would be etched in her memory forever.

The woman was overwhelmed by the desolate scene before her. She had once considered this place dangerous, but now it seemed only gloomy. The darkness of the night had shrouded the area, making it difficult to see anything or anyone. Though there was evidence of frequent criminal activity occurring at these hours, no perpetrator was visible. The supposed heart and soul of the people was nothing but an empty hole.

The path to her job was eerily like the one leading to the hospital. However, the difference was that in the daytime, she saw rundown buildings that seemed to be on the verge of collapse. But at night, everything seemed abandoned, and the emptiness of the place made her heart heavy. She wondered why these people were forced to reside in such an area. She contemplated why they had to suffer in a world where the silence was unpredictable. And why could danger strike at any moment?

She didn’t have to worry about that, though. The only thing she was there for was to pick up a dear friend. Nothing more.

Tokimi had finally arrived after this long ride. The blinding headlights of her car came towards James, and he covered his eyes.

The man flinched a bit before recognizing that it was none other than his friend. His fearful expression now relaxed as he approached Tokimi’s car.

As the man approached the door, it swung open to reveal a welcoming space. He stumbled inside, tears streaming down his face and his body shaking with emotion. Despite his distress, he seemed to breathe a little easier now that he was indoors. James looked around anxiously, his face flushed with concern. The man grasped James’s face tightly as if desperately seeking reassurance. He covered his ears and sighed, seemingly trying to calm himself. Through his tears, the man expressed his gratitude continuously.

“Oh, thank you,” he hurriedly whispered as he attempted to put on his seatbelt.

“I thought I was going to be robbed out there, or maybe worse!”

The poor man was chewing on his nails while getting used to the warmth of the car. He accommodated the head restraint behind him as he was tall for its position.

Tokimi began to drive off before asking, “Are you doing well now, James?”

“Yes, I am far better,” he sobbed. “I just don’t get why I still feel terrible.” James looked out the window, watching the lights pass by and recognizing each one of the streets with a sorrowful feeling hitting him in the heart.

Tokimi was relieved to hear that James was safe. However, she was worried about his well-being.

“What was in your system after all?” Tokimi asked.

James scoffed. “Well, I don’t know! A very healthy number of hallucinogenic drugs were in it!” He began nervously tapping his fingers, and his eyes aimlessly wandered, searching for something that wasn’t there. Attempting to ground himself, he grasped onto something only to tear it in his hand moments later. As his mind raced, he suddenly noticed a few stray curls of his hair entwined around his fingers.

“Y’know, I abhor the hospital they always send me to,” exclaimed James. “It’s a complete nightmare being there. There is another hospital less than a block away, which is much better, but they always send me to the one where the nurses gossip about me and the doctors neglect me. It feels like everyone hates me there.” He crossed his arms, giving an angry pout.

“You are very much a regular there,” commented Tokimi. “It is terrible that they treat you like that. You deserve it least.”

James, slowly gaining arrogance, shouted, “I know!” He began to get mad and bounced on his seat. “I should be treated like a king and get proper medical attention, but they all treat me like some disgusting maggot! Whatever happened to respect?”

James then held his head, beginning to ponder. “They adore reminding me of my past and things I despise mentioning.” He stayed there looking outside the window, observing the buildings move.

The car was silent, and no words were said to each other for a minute. The only sound present was the sound of the engine running up until James began to tear up.

It started as sniffles, some trembling, and finally full-blown loud crying with gasps of air filling the atmosphere. James was trying to get himself composed, but he couldn’t. No amount of air could calm his soul.

Tokimi did take note of this and looked back at James. Okimi stopped in front of James’ house. She didn’t want to leave a distressed friend alone, so she stayed inside. Fleeing would be a terrible thing to do.

Tokimi looked back with a blank yet caring tone. “What’s the matter? Is there anything bothering you?”

James was in the throes of a turbulent emotional state, struggling to control his breathing as he spoke.

His words came out between gasps, “How could they decide to release him after only seventeen years?”

Desperate to cool down the raging heat of his face, he held his head and fanned himself frantically, but to no avail. Instead, he only felt worse. His emotions consumed him entirely.

“I can’t believe they’re letting him go so soon,” he cried out, his voice trembling with emotion. In an impulsive rage, James balled up his fist and slammed it against his head. The attempt to ease his frustration was futile.

Tokimi’s expression softened as she realized the depth of James’s pain. Seeing her friend in such a state was heart-wrenching, and she couldn’t help but wish she could do something to alleviate his suffering.

“I am truly sorry that you’re going through this. I know it’s distressing for you, and I want to help in any way I can. I wish to speak to those people. They don’t understand the severity of those actions.”

James looked up at Tokimi, still teary-eyed and sniffling.

“I don’t want to be pitied,” he choked on his words. “I just want to be clean. I want to know if people still see me the same.”

Yet, he can’t deny that her words helped soothe him. He was still in emotional torment, but having someone—somebody by his side during a time like this was enough to comfort his soul.

Wiping his eyes, he kept silently going on with what was on his mind.

“I know he is part of what created my existence, but I can’t bear to see my father again!” He clasped his face in his hands and began to pick at his skin. “He was arrested with various charges for a reason, and they let him out just like that?”

Suddenly, James took his hands off himself and stared at Tokimi with a face that didn’t indicate any emotion, and all movement from him stopped. It was as if he had cut everything off himself, and James only existed in a blank state.

“I don’t understand it. I remember still being a scared boy, and yet they do this. Justice really is a system that can’t be fully integrated in any way at all. I don’t know what to do now. I will possibly be alone in my sorrowful self-pity that won’t be for anything.”

Tokimi watched James’ words spill out as if they were nothing, and his flat voice formed a heavy feeling on her chest. She didn’t know what else to say. She was lost watching him like this.

“You know? I do not blame you for feeling like this.”

Tokimi took James’ hand and held it on hers, firmly squeezing. With a warm smile and a more reassuring voice, she gave him a few words that changed his mood.

Tokimi spoke with a gentle and reassuring tone, hoping to comfort James. “Just know that no matter what happens, good or bad, I will never abandon you.”

James’s eyes slowly began glimmering as he took in Okimi’s words. He wanted to believe her, but he quickly denied her reassurance. His eyebrows furrowed, and his face turned red with anger and frustration.

“You would,” James stammered, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes were now filled with tears, which trickled down his face sluggishly. He couldn’t help but feel like he was a burden to those around him.

“Everyone leaves me. People realize I’m deplorable, and they wander away.”

Tokimi lifted his head and looked into his eyes.

“James, what a foolish thing to say. You keep chattering about your flaws, but you never recognize the likable individual you are.”

She let go of his head and squeezed his hand tighter.

“I won’t ever abandon you. I enjoy being with you.”

James kept denying it, repeating how it wasn’t true. His head tried to convince him it was false, but he broke down. He began crying and trying to hug Tokimi, thanking her profusely.

“Thank you! Please, never leave me,” he yelled. “Stay by me always, and I will be delighted.” He clung on tightly to her, not wanting to let go.

Upon entering James’ house, he immediately plopped himself on the couch. Tokimi took off her coat, not knowing where to put it. The place was disorderly. Empty protein bars and bags of veggie chips infiltrated the furnishings, and the floor hadn’t been cleaned in a long time. It was somehow organized yet disgusting at the same time—a pure amalgamation of chaos.

Tokimi noticed an issue. She turned to James, who was lying on the couch. Tokimi asked him, “James, what did you eat today?”

James tiredly responded, “Just some ice cubes with brown sugar for breakfast. It wasn’t much, but it was good!” He buried his face into the pillows, hoping his restless mind would allow him to nap.

Tokimi was concerned about James’s meal choice. She said, “I will cook you something to eat.”

James shook his head and replied, “It’s not necessary. I’m... uh... I'm trying to be healthier!”

Tokimi disagreed with James’s statement. There was much-needed clarification to offer.

"James, that’s not a nutritious lifestyle," Tokimi stated. "You’re eating less than necessary. That can lead to serious health issues.”

James looked at Tokimi and tried to accept it in his head. After processing it, he shrugged and refuted, “It won’t. I’m perfectly fine.” James looked at her again, noticing her irritation with him. He awkwardly grinned, saying, “Thanks for the meal offer, though! I’ll eat it for you.”

Tokimi’s voice was deeper, almost in a disappointed tone. “Eat it for your well-being. Don’t accept requests to please anyone except yourself.” She urged her friend.

The sound of sizzling oil and the aroma of cooking eggs filled the room, creating a calming atmosphere. Tokimi felt her nerves settling, but her worries about NANCY soon crept back into her mind. She remembered that James was also working on NANCY, and she thought that discussing her concerns with him might help alleviate some of her anxiety.

“NANCY has been acting weird,” Tokimi said, her brow furrowed with concern. “I know she was designed to act like a person, but some of her characteristics don’t feel right.”

James suddenly perked up, his eyes lighting up with excitement. “I knew it! I always feel scared working with Nan,” he exclaimed, his hands fidgeting nervously.

“I like her, and she is lovely in design, but I feel she is too clingy. It’s as if she wants me only. Might be my thoughts, though.”

“It’s a robot,” Tokimi stated. “I don’t believe it would be romantically attached to you as you insinuate.” She lifted the egg pan, adding the half-raw scrambled eggs onto a rice pan.

“What do you mean by that?” James crossed his arms.

“By that, I say it’s likely it judges by our unfair beauty standards.” Tokimi scratched the rice pan, keeping it from sticking.

“Oh, wow! Thanks for letting me know you secretly hate me!”

“I never said I hated you.” Tokimi tapped her pan with the wooden utensils. “I just stated a fact based on the logic in our world, explicitly calling it unfair to judge by genetic differences.”

Tokimi deftly finished cooking the meal and arranged everything on a plate. “However, I agree with you on the fear factor of NANCY. I believe it is out of control. Tomorrow, I might speak to her. Afterward, I will also speak to our bosses.”

She called James over to eat the meal, hoping it would help lighten the mood. Despite her efforts, Tokimi couldn’t shake off her worries about NANCY. She felt exhausted and drained, dreading the next day. NANCY consumed her thoughts. James consumed her thoughts. She couldn’t remember the last time she hadn’t felt so overwhelmed.