CONTROLLED BY CHOICES

She struggled to open her eyes and was met with a blinding glare piercing the darkness above her. As always, NANCY found herself in the padded room. The one where she woke up every day after her power recharged. The cushioned feeling of the area brushed against her artificial skin as she went through her morning routine.

She watched as the dark halls outside slowly began to shine, signaling that it was time to start her day. The harsh rhythm of the alarm repeated on a speaker, calling in a mob of people.

Neuroshare’s staff abruptly rushed into the room, ready to prepare the robot for the day ahead. They dusted her off and brushed her synthetic hair, causing an unpleasant sensation for NANCY. Her sensors could detect even the slightest motion, whether gentle or harsh, making her perceive nearly everything in great intensity. All the commotion of light and touch overwhelmed her sensors. She detested it, wishing for it to go away.

The staff had an array of outfits ready for NANCY, and they carefully dressed her with enough energy to get through the day. Despite their efforts to make her look presentable and greet her with a “Good morning!” NANCY still felt empty in her soul. She genuinely wondered if she had a soul. She was just a machine made of circuits and wires.

Her day continued doing small activities and responding to hypothetical scenarios with a solution. Even thinking of caring for someone in a meltdown or even identifying the emotions of someone felt tedious. Nothing animated her, and the people with flashcards knew it too. The thick air was suffocating, as she couldn’t help. She could only worry.

She remembered watching the vehicle pull away, the colorful lights flashing in her eyes. She felt a deep sense of fear. It was the first time she had ever seen an ambulance. She didn’t know what was happening or why her beloved James was being taken away on a stretcher. The noise of the ambulance was overwhelming, and it left her feeling disoriented.

She couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to James. Had the treat he had eaten contained too much sugar? She remembered how he had been behaving before they arrived. NANCY didn’t believe that sugar overload could cause hallucinations, but she couldn’t think of any other reason for James’ behavior. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something terrible had happened. She was left with more questions than answers.

As the clock struck twelve, the afternoon arrived once again. NANCY could sense it.

She had come to associate this time of day suddenly with a certain feeling of melancholy, a sense of hollowness that weighed heavily on her circuits. But why was it so? It used to fill her with love and joy! Despite the passing hours, NANCY’s heart was still heavy with sadness, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing.

It was around this time that James would usually walk in, and his sole presence would fill the binary void within her. He wasn’t much of a talker, but he had a way of making NANCY feel seen and heard. He would hold his clipboard in hand, ready to jot down the answers she provided.

NANCY had come to rely on him as a trusted confidant, a source of guidance and support in this newly overwhelming world.

But today, James was nowhere to be found. Minutes ticked by, and NANCY’s malaise grew stronger. It felt unfair that he wasn’t there for her. It was unjust that others had denied her the chance to see him. The frustration built up inside her until she wanted to tear off the foam from her room. She wondered if a robot like her was ever meant to feel such intense emotions.

Just when her mind was about to give up, she heard a faint announcement coming from the other side of the door. The sound of two people chattering away caught her attention, and she strained to listen. NANCY recognized James’s delicate, accented voice, and her metallic heart lifted with hope. No one else stressed their vowels and failed to pronounce the “th” sound quite like him. Finally, her dearest companion had arrived.

As she saw James approaching, she ran towards him with overwhelming excitement. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. “James! I am so glad to see you back again!” she squealed.

James was caught off guard by the sudden embrace. He almost lost his balance, and his clipboard nearly slipped out of his hand. If it weren’t for the soft walls, James might have ended up with a concussion. His whole body went rigid, and he felt unresponsive, staring into nothingness. He quickly regained his composure, pretending he hadn’t frozen for a while.

“I apologize for how poorly our last session went,” James pushed his glasses. He was eager for the embrace to end. James covered his abdomen with the clipboard. Now pulling away, he started breathing rhythmically. “I believe we have everything in check now,” he said, glancing at NANCY.

“Of course we do,” she replied rapidly. Though she tried to hide it, her furrowed eyebrows betrayed her agitation at James’ questions. Nevertheless, NANCY wanted to spend more time with him. “Is there anything else you have for me?”

James shook his head. “Not that I am aware of,” he nervously chuckled while readjusting his glasses. “However, I think you need some closure on what happened.” His expression turned grim, and he began tapping his foot on the soft white floor.

NANCY responded with a reassuring tone, “I understand!” She quickly moved closer to James, who appeared to be in discomfort and was covering his torso with the clipboard. “Are you alright? What was the cause?” she asked with a concerned expression.

James tried to smile but failed, “I feel as if the cause can’t be fully revealed,” he said. “The only thing I can say is that someone tampered with my food,” he quivered, clearly still feeling nauseous. “It wasn’t too bad. I hated the hospital they sent me to, though.”

NANCY was surprised to hear that James had such negative feelings towards a place that was supposed to be a source of healing and comfort. “Don’t they take care of you delicately?” she asked, hoping her question would help James open up.

James winced, “Don’t tell anyone, but hospital staff are mostly rotten individuals,” he confessed. He was shaken and quickly changed the subject. “I was significantly affected, and I was seeing non-existent objects!” James fixed the position of his glasses. “I’m glad I was found after I ran away,” he looked back. “The staff discharged me and kicked me out, very irresponsible. If I didn’t have help, I probably would’ve died!” He quickly began gnawing on his nails and anxiously pulling on his curls.

NANCY was distraught at his story. She couldn’t believe it! NANCY was upset at those workers, and she wanted to visit them. Maybe a little chat would work. But also, how grateful she was! She desired to award the person who helped him out. Saving James’ life was a beautiful act of kindness to do.

“It’s upsetting that they would do that,” she frowned at him. Her smile quickly returned, and she began bouncing on the cushioned floor. “Who helped you? I need to know!” NANCY gave a small laugh as she looked up at James. “Whoever did that is a remarkable person.”

James’ face lit up as he finally got to speak about his best friend. His lips curled up into a cheerful grin as he recounted the incident. “It was Okimi! She found me on the side of the road and gave me a ride back home.” James clasped his hands together and brought them to his face, the memory still fresh in his mind.

However, NANCY’s entire expression dimmed upon hearing Tokimi’s name. Her? Tokimi is barely emotionally present. How could James prefer a woman more robotic than she is and colorless than anything else? She felt disbelief.

“Okimi helped me when I needed it the most,” James replied, trying to explain. “She may appear robotic on the surface, but deep down, she’s more loving than the eye can see.” He scratched the back of his head. He attempted to find the right words to express his gratitude towards his friend. “Sometimes, experiences can make a person’s exterior hard to break through. That’s the case with Okimi. She’s a kind and caring person. You only have to look beneath the surface to see it.”

NANCY stood in front of James with her arms crossed. She wore a bitter grin and slightly squinted. “You don’t think she’s better than me, do you?” she asked, her piercing gaze penetrating James’ soul.

James’ speech impediment became more pronounced, causing him to fidget nervously and look back and forth. He struggled to get the words out. He blurted out, “No, erm… both of you are equally great!” His eyebrows furrowed, and his charming smile faded. “I don’t think making comparisons is the best approach,” he sighed, his expression dulled. He sank onto the soft floor and sat motionless.

NANCY was filled with regret as she realized what she had done. She saw James sitting in front of her, his face expressionless. She knew that her actions were not justifiable, but she couldn’t bring herself to blame herself. James was too attached to Tokimi, and the thought appalled her.

With a soft tone, NANCY said, “I will stop to avoid unwanted discourse.” She brought her head closer to James, and her hands tightly wrapped around his shoulders. James flinched at the sudden touch but let it happen. He felt an uncomfortable wave of chills run down his body, but he was glad that NANCY was trying to be comforting.

“It’s quite alright,” James replied, pushing up his glasses. He stood up and stumbled a bit, but he balanced himself. He brushed off his suit. “Our time together has nearly finished, and I don’t think I’ll be seeing you around as often as before.”

NANCY’s face softened, and her eyebrows furrowed. “You won’t be coming here as often?”

James chuckled, “I’m afraid not, but it’s okay. You have to learn to be independent and flourish on your own.” He began scribbling on his clipboard, and his eyes widened in surprise.

NANCY’s circuits began to heat up, and she felt a sense of turmoil inside her. She held her hand towards him but then placed it back on her chest. “I understand your words completely,” she replied. She walked up to James and gave him a final handshake. “Farewell, James. I cherished every moment we spent together.”

As soon as NANCY was released, she began wandering the halls of Neuroshare’s building with a deep sense of despair and disappointment. The sound of her Mary Janes clinking against the floor was more pronounced. Her eyes were downcast, and she avoided focusing on the blue light that illuminated the charts and graphs surrounding her. The data was nothing in comparison to the burning rage that consumed her.

As she walked, she eventually stood in front of an elevator. The metal doors reflected her expression, which was woeful and full of self-doubt. How could she ever compare to Tokimi? She knew she could never bring the same level of consolation to her love.

Her advice was always emotionless and devoid of empathy, unlike Tokimi’s. NANCY’s skin was made of plastic and couldn’t regenerate, which made her feel cheap.

NANCY knew that Tokimi was still alive. She could feel a breath in its purest form. Tokimi could capably complete tasks that NANCY could never replace. In her mind, it was pointless to even try. She wondered how James could prefer someone artificial over a living being like herself. The thought filled her iron heart with an unbearable weight.

A weight on NANCY’s shoulder was detected, and she darted. It resulted in only Tokimi. She let go of NANCY’s shoulder and looked at her with admiration.

“Greetings NANCY,” Tokimi said. “I wish to discuss some things, as I am now on my break.”

NANCY sensed a bit of a scowl creep into her face. Swiftly, she became cheery again. “Hi Okimi! How are you?”

Okimi gently bowed and spoke again. “I am doing fine. I’d prefer it if you called me Tokimi.” She looked back at NANCY and began pressing the up button on the elevator.

NANCY raised her eyebrows. “Well, Tokimi, what do you need from me?”

“I ask for your time,” Tokimi replied. “There are significant matters I need to discuss.” The elevator door had now opened, showing its empty interior. Tokimi set herself aside. “Allow yourself to enter.”

“Thanks!” NANCY replied before taking a small step. The area was spacious in comparison to when Tokimi walked in after. It felt suffocating even to share the same room.

As the ground felt more delicate and they ascended, there wasn’t a sound from Tokimi. She glimpsed at NANCY softly before looking to the floor. The vibration of the elevator felt so familiar to NANCY. It reminded her that she was the same material as it. They were both the same. Just a tool with no actual influence.

As they finally reached their destination, NANCY looked at the opening doors. The rooftop of this building was covered in a white powder, slowly liquefying. She looked back to Tokimi, who was leading the way outside.

The freezing breeze outside brought some tranquility amidst disorientation. NANCY identified her surroundings and concluded it was snow. The discovery didn’t help with the stabbing feeling in her chest. NANCY still followed Tokimi’s path with her cheerful facade in hand.

Tokimi stood near the edge of the building, gazing into the horizon. The wind blew her black hair, and NANCY couldn’t help but envy her effortless grace and serene composure. The way Tokimi’s hands blended in with the snow covering the buildings around was awe-inspiring. Suddenly, Tokimi turned her face toward NANCY, “I have hoped to speak with you again.” Her voice was smooth and firm, and her gaze was steady.

NANCY’s artificial throat constricted with apprehension. She wasn’t prepared for confrontation, but what could she do? She stood next to Tokimi, waiting for her to continue. “Have your circuits grappled with overwhelming questions?” Tokimi’s eyes were now compassionate, and her voice was gentle. “I have observed how complex you’ve felt lately.”

NANCY stood at the edge, looking down at the run-down city below. Her chest tightened, and she instinctively held a hand to it. NANCY worried that her cover might be slipping off, revealing the turmoil brewing beneath her surface. She couldn’t show any weakness in front of Tokimi, not now or ever. So, NANCY remained silent, hoping that her discomfort wouldn’t give her away.

Tokimi noticed NANCY’s unease and put an arm around her, gently patting her shoulder. “I want you to understand something,” Tokimi said as she took her hand off NANCY. “Your experience isn’t unique.”

NANCY felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe Tokimi understood her after all. “What do you mean?” NANCY asked, her eyes blinking softly.

“Many of us have been through complicated situations,” Tokimi replied. “But we can share our experiences and gain a better understanding of ourselves and others.”

NANCY felt a sense of relief wash over her. Maybe she wasn’t alone in her struggles. “I guess we all have our complexities, don’t we?” NANCY said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Tokimi nodded. “Absolutely. Some of us are more flawed than others. We can acknowledge our flaws and work to repair our mistakes.”

NANCY looked at Tokimi, feeling a tinge of jealousy. Why did Tokimi seem so comfortable with her emotions while NANCY struggled to contain them? She felt an unsettling feeling growing inside her, slowly overcoming her circuits.

“Do you recognize we can’t all be perfect, unlike you?” NANCY said, taking a step back from the edge of the roof. The clinking of her Mary Janes echoed behind Tokimi, a resentful melody.

“Emotions are not about being perfect, NANCY,” Tokimi replied, looking back at the city. “Feeling is only part of existence, which we can navigate together.”

NANCY’s soft gaze slowly contorted into a glare. “Perhaps others are better at it,” NANCY said, her robotic tone gaining toxin in its sweetness.

“We all have unique journeys,” Tokimi replied, tracing her finger on the snow. “I understand some people have it harder than others. I’ve experienced it with my dearest friend. I know his hardships are myriad, and I assist him when he needs me.” Despite talking about her friend, she knew she wished to do the same for NANCY.

Tokimi didn’t have to go there at all. Bringing up James right now? Bragging about how she could care for him when NANCY felt she couldn’t do so? NANCY was furious. Her gears were overheating, and she desired to make a mistake. She could care less about the consequences at all. NANCY stood behind Tokimi.

“Do you ever get tired of doing that?” She grinned down at Tokimi.

Tokimi sighed, “At times, he is overwhelming.”

NANCY took one last look at Tokimi before sneering at last. “You won’t need to anymore.”

Realizing NANCY’s words were dripping in malice, it was already late for Tokimi. Her red heels were held before being flung off. The rush of air suffocated any scream as her heart pumped harsher than ever.

NANCY panicked, placing down Tokimi’s shoes neatly where she once stood. Her instincts made NANCY run back to the elevator. Had she stood there longer, the snap from Tokimi’s neck would’ve echoed in her consciousness. Now, it would only be her pale carcass freezing with the snow.

End of preview.